Dear TEAMS,
There are any number of women who will and can list what is
wrong with their husbands. I was one of
them early in your Daddy’s and my marriage, although I tried to temper it by
telling only my closest friends and also making sure to list an equal amount of
compliments to be a “good Christian.” I
have since realized a couple of striking truths about women like me:
- It reflects more on me and my character than it does on my husband. What does it say about me that I treat my girlfriends (whom I wouldn’t ever jump to find the bad things about) better than the man who has voluntarily and willingly pledged his whole life to support emotionally, spiritually, and physically?
- “Bonding” over venting about husbands doesn’t occur; rather, it gives ammunition.
- It is not logical or rational, in that it doesn’t solve the problems or deficits (if they exist) in his character. Think about it: if your spouse came up to you and complained about something you did, or if your best friend came up to you and started to complain to you about things you promise to do and don’t, how would you react?
- When I complained, I was looking for validation for being upset about something, not to get an answer to my problem. Being validated by another person is fine, but ultimately our validation has to be coming from our Utmost Relationship with God. Only He can simultaneously make us feel thrilled to be alive and convicted we are doing something wrong.
The great thing is, I don’t have to memorize a list. He’s always doing new things that are
wonderful and noteworthy. Here are a few
things that I really appreciate about your daddy on April 10, 2012...not that I needed to or anything...:
- The way he says “beef-a-huddled” to mean all screwed up and out of whack.
- The way he says, “Sure it is, because I just said it,” when I tell him that beef-a-huddled is not a word.
- The way he goes to M’s track meets and S’s baseball games, even though he has to work in the evenings to catch up on his day.
- He is willing to change. I know he doesn’t like to hear what my observations are sometimes, but after 24 hours to digest what I say, he tries to improve on areas I point out.
- He’s highly administrative and able to multitask. Many men aren’t, which would really be a challenge for me!
- He gets up, day after day, week after week, year after year, and goes to work at a job that isn’t always fun or fulfilling to make sure we have everything we need.
- He gets a wee bit teary-eyed when he listens to Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle or Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman.
- That he loves his children more than life itself.
- That he thinks I’m sexy, even when I’m sicker than a dog.
- That his definition of “clean” is just a little bit easier than mine, therefore on my messy days he’s great, and on my clean days he extra thankful.
- That he learned to eat broccoli because it was important to me. (And as an aside, I learned to put cheese on it to help.)
- That he’s very knowledgeable about home repair and has done amazing things to improve our home.
- He asks if there’s a Phillies game on as code for “I want to take a nap, but I feel guilty for taking a nap.”
- He goes out and buys me ice cream or malted milk robin’s eggs when I have a craving for them.
- He does the weekly shopping on Saturdays, the worst day of the week to go to the store.
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