For posterity, here is the email I sent to all of you yesterday:
My dear family, apple of my eye and object of my undying devotion,
First, my apologies to those who are not guilty/who unintentionally do this once and awhile (and we all do).
Second, I am now at the point where I feel my grace is being cheapened concerning the kitchen and dirty dishes. In the economy of right and wrong, every time you do not clean up after yourselves, you are wrong. Period. The rule in this house is that if you make something dirty, you clean it up. This is not news to any of you. However, I still continue to find dishes in the sink, on the counter, left out on the table, and left in the big room. At no time are there to be dirty dishes left out, waiting to be put in the dishwasher. Do you "just forget"? Too bad. Do you think you'll get to it later when it's your turn? Tough. Tie a string around your finger to remind you, set the timer on the stove to remind you, tape a post-it to your forehead to remember...but this is YOUR responsibility to do and to remember. It is the rule of the house that has been in effect since 2008 and nothing has changed.
Third, if you don't have a clear/dirty dishwasher to put your dishes in, then it is your responsibility to empty one to make room for it. Don't have time? Wanted to watch YouTube instead? Wanted to respond to a text? In the middle of a movie? Don't want to? Have you worked 10 hours already today? Tough. It is the rule of the house that has been in effect since 2008 and nothing has changed.
Fourth, if you dirty up/get out a pan/utensil/appliance/whatever to fix your meal, you are responsible to clean it up immediately after enjoying your meal. It is the rule of the house that has been in effect since 2008 and nothing has changed.
Fifth, if you dirty a counter, including leaving crumbs, in the preparation of your meal, you are responsible to clean it up immediately after enjoying your meal. It is the rule of the house that has been in effect since 2008 and nothing has changed.
Sixth: NEW RULE...if you use the collapsible water bottles or drinking thermoses, you must clean them out immediately after getting home. No more leaving them on the counter. You may invert them and put them next to the breadmaker to dry. Just worked 18 hours in a blinding snowstorm? Oh well. Guess that warm water will feel good on your hands. So tired you have to be hospitalized? I'll take you as soon as you've washed it out.
What you are ultimately communicating when you don't clean up after yourself is that you/your schedule/your obligations/your whatever is more important than anyone else's, or at least more important than the person's who ends up cleaning up after you. If you truly feel that way about your father or me (who daily run at least one or two dish loads and empty one or two dish loads--EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT OUR JOB), then we need to have a talk about your responsibilities to this family while you live in this benevolent dictatorship. Everything in this life has a cost, and if you like living here, this is one of them.
I would like to give everyone ONE MORE CHANCE to take this thing that is very important to me seriously. I think you know me enough by now to know I am full of grace, compassion, and understanding and am not requiring military obedience to the rules of the house. But I'm done. This is it...your last chance in this area.
Effective immediately, you are to follow these rules of the kitchen all the time. However, I will grant everyone about 4 days to get into the habit of cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen because you might need some time. During that time, if I find dirty dishes, I will call out the person who forgot and you must immediately clean up your area/dishes, and truly, there will be hell to pay if you don't simply answer "ok" and start moving in that direction. If the infractions continue after that time, I hereby reserve the right at any time in the future to:
- require you to buy your own dishes, silverware, pots and
pans and if you don't clean them, put them in your room so
they can junk up YOUR space instead;
- make you buy paper plates and cups that you keep in your room and use them and throw them out.
- set aside all offending dishes with your name on them to
clean up by hand, meaning with hot water and dish soap;
- anything else that is completely ridiculous I have to even suggest (like the above) that I want to do to make you understand this is simply unacceptable.
And let me make one final thing clear: NOT ONE OF YOU has the right to say that I've "had a meltdown," "gone off the deep end," "went ballistic," or any other phrasing about this. I have been nothing but kind, accepting, sweet, gentle, and loving about this. In fact, I am taking this all in stride and will forget about this once I stand up from this computer. IF YOU ARE TEMPTED TO SAY THIS about me, you are passing the blame instead of accepting responsibility for your wrongdoing. I am completely absolved of any judgement in this situation, and you know it.
And D, just putting this out there, you being sarcastic or teasing me about my "analness" in cleaning up, calling me S, stating that it's not safe to be holding onto a dirty dish in the kitchen will not benefit our relationship, and in fact, will have fairly serious consequences. Like, I will start teasing you in front of any one I choose about the stuff that's important to you that you have every right to expect from your family. Seriously. You do not want to go there with me.
And, in case I haven't made myself perfectly clear: Our kitchen is to--at all times--be cleaned up and everyone who lives here is responsible to see that it remains so.
Love,
