Note to a Grieving Mother

Dear TEAMS,

It has been a sad year for me, with my mother’s health failing and the tragedy of our church member being murdered.  I also have friends right now who aren’t dealing with death of a loved one in as much the death of a dream:  the friend whose grandson is being kept from her by a resentful, unwell woman; the numerous friends with health challenges impacting their quality of life; and a friend still processing the loss of an infant son.

As with all unpleasant things, God is in the midst, redeeming it all.  We humans keep Him so busy, and yet He is crazy in love with us still.  I have found that my own darkness has opened up an empathy within me that I wasn’t aware I could have any deeper.

The last woman in my list above and I were talking recently and she was praising God for His goodness and telling that she intellectually knew that her son was in the happiest of all places and she would see him again, but “to be honest, I long for my son.”

I responded to her the best I could.  I thought someday you might want to use this to comfort another, or it will be for your own comfort.  However, I want you to be sure to understand that I have been walking through this with this woman for two years now, and that I was not offering this as a platitude or explanation for her son’s death.  Too many times, people want to “fix” grieving people and think it happens all at once.  I have found that understanding silence is more of a comfort than the smartest of sentences.  Because I had this trust with her, I could say the following and she knew my heart:

I don't think it's wrong to feel the way you do, nor do I think God thinks it’s wrong. Think about all of His children that pass away every day and go to eternal separation without Him. How He must long to have them with Him, but they will be separated from Him for eternity! I think you are simply feeling a glimmer of the Father's broken heart towards the billions who have chosen not to restore their relationship with Him. He knit them together in their mother's womb, He protected them while growing there, He made plans for their lives and desired to show them beautiful, wonderful things. He set His destiny on them, but they kept turning away. Each day, every day, He longed to hold them in His arms at last...and they chose to leave. Each day, every day, He sent His precious Holy Spirit to niggle them and draw them to Him. He was faithful and longing. And even when they drew their last breath, He hoped and believed they would utter His name...and they didn't.

(Your son) didn't choose to leave you, and he loves you and knew your love in his inner man. But your daily longing to see him one more time, to hold him, to watch and see what he would become...that grief is definitely something our Father knows, because He has experienced it manifold times. Seeing your situation next to His, I hope this will help you feel just that much more deeply how tremendously your Father loves you, identifies with you, and saves every tear you cry in a bottle. And you tasting what He suffers, but seeing He is not overwhelmed by it, can help you to know that joy is possible through Him, in time. 

Love,

Image credit:  © Wilfred Stanley Sussenbach | Dreamstime.com