Dear TEAMS,
In the previous post, I spoke about the overarching premise
of discipline and how it’s not about controlling a child’s behavior. Now I would like to give you the practical
outline of how we disciplined in our home when there was an issue…although
seeing as you were the recipients of it, you probably have it memorized by now!
We always had three rules posted in our house:
- Treat other people the way you want to be treated.
- Do what you’re told to do, when you’re told to do it, and do it without whining or complaining.
- When Mommy or Daddy tell you to do something, you respond with, “Yes, Mommy/Yes, Daddy, I will.”
We never needed more than those rules, because all
infractions broke one or more of those rules.
Those three little rules were great at addressing the major heart
attitudes that caused problems for our household, plus they let you know what
boundaries there were. The first, the
Golden Rule, addressed your treatment of others, birthed in you the ability to
sympathize and empathize with another person, and also opened you to
understanding that God’s way is the best way all the time (seeing as the
Saviour of the world commanded this and it hasn’t failed its exercisers
yet).
The second addressed the “how” of what you do…do it in a
timely fashion and without causing misery to others. Ideally, that would allow you to do it with a
good attitude, but attitude is a choice.
This at least allowed the other members of our household to be spared
the auditory drama that at times would accompany compliance. (Yes, I am speaking like Temperance “Bones”
Brennan to make you laugh!)
The third rule simply allowed you to acknowledge the
authority of us to command you to do something.
Our household was a benevolent dictatorship with servant leaders as the
adults. You responding with a “Yes,
Mommy” told me that you had heard me, but more importantly, reminded you that I
was allowed to be requesting what I was of you…whether you liked it or not,
whether you felt like doing it or not, whether it made sense to you or not,
etc. etc.
I bring up these rules, because it plays an important part
in the Discipline Cycle. When you were
young, if one of you broke the rules, whether by taking a toy from your sibling
or outright defying us and not doing something requested of you:
- I pulled you to the side and asked you the Rules of the House.
- I asked you what you did.
- I asked if that broke any of the Rules of the House and which one? Usually you were right on.
- I flipped the situation and asked you, “If you [had the toy, had told me to do something and I didn’t, etc.] and [someone took it from you, I spoke to you that way] how would you feel?”
- I waited while you thought.
- I waited some more as you got uncomfortable with understanding what you did that was wrong.
- I asked you to tell me the answer.
- When you inevitably told me that you would feel bad about it, I asked you (since you were in the middle of feeling that empathy) if you wouldn’t want the person to say they were sorry. You always said, Yes.
- I escorted you to the offended party and told them you had something to say to them, or if it was me, I had you apologize.
- Then, I prayed a very simple prayer with you and sincerely thanked God for you and that He was teaching you something new.
When apologizing, I always made you say what you were sorry
for: “I’m sorry that I [took your toy,
spoke to you rudely, etc.]”
See another post for times when “backup” was needed…
Love,
