Why I Let You Play with Guns as a Kid, But Why I Didn’t Let You Play with Guns as a Kid…

Dear TEAMS,

In light of the shocking murder of our family friend who was gunned down this past weekend, I am writing this to you.  I wanted to explain in better detail why your father and I adopted the stances we did in terms of guns as toys.

It started innocently enough this morning as S was using the cookie-cooling rack as a machine gun in an aircraft and flying around the house, aiming and firing.  I was upstairs getting ready for the day and as usual was ignoring the downstairs commotion, although my ever-present and vigilant “Mom Radar” was listening for blood, throw up, or someone in danger.  I didn’t sleep well last night as I was alternately grieving and praying for J’s wife, children, mother (oh, how I’m praying for L!), father and family, and the work J was involved in, so I was pretty numb.

However, hearing S make one more round through the main level roundabout, I became aware of what he was doing and how it all fit together into the events of the weekend.  All at once, I knew I needed to:  1) stop what he was doing for the sake of my sanity, 2) make sure I stopped him in a way that didn’t make him feel shame but let him understand the gravity of what he was doing, and 3) write this blog post to let you see the depths of the “why” to help you in the future.  I came downstairs, gently put my hands on his shoulders and looked lovingly into his eyes.  Then, I simply said, “S, I love you and I understand why you are doing this.  But do you understand that this is exactly what the man did to J with his machine gun?  Please, no more pretend gun firing for the rest of the week.”

S, I could tell I hit a nerve, and that your 14-year old ego was bruised.  I hope I administered correction in a way that allows you to choose change over pride.

I know that to you at your age, firing a gun isn’t firing a “gun.”  I know that developmentally, this is about cause and effect, having power and learning how to use it wisely, the fact that it’s loud and makes really cool explosions, a la Mythbusters.  I also know that you have not yet put together what bullets do to human flesh, and that the bullet comes from a gun that is fired from a person’s finger…which may or may not match what his/her heart is at the moment.  I came to this conclusion later in the childbearing stage, after your 3 older siblings were kept from playing with guns (well, really only M) or that the pretend guns could only shoot tranquilizing darts or some such other unreality to match the pretend.  When you made a gun out of your bread and butter at 2-1/2, I realized there might be more gray than black and white to this.

But you are getting old enough to have reality play a part in your choice of actions.  Here’s the reality of guns you couldn’t see today with your pure, young heart.  The reality is that the person who put 8 bullets into our friend was intent on murdering him for whatever reason.  The gun made it easier, but I’m pretty sure had it not been the gun it would have been something else at some other time.  And, admittedly perhaps, far more painful and tortuous than the instant death J had.  However, the gun’s destruction created a great photo opp for the press, and his poor wife and family (and in future, his sons) have that shared public record for this very private, tragic event.  Not only that, because J’s wife had to identify his body, her last memory of her husband’s body is not a pristine, whole one.  It is…well, anything less than pristine is not what a wife’s last memory of her husband should be. 

Another reality of guns that you need to get into you pretty soon is that, while guns right now are about you and your abilities and power, the recipient is the one who pays the price.  You don’t see that looking through the cookie rack pointed at the dog.  The gun is about the other person, and I know your heart.  You wouldn’t ever knowingly harm another person.  You would feel awful if you hurt someone or took their life, because God gave you a compassionate, loving heart that is the mark of a real man.

The last reality of guns is in Matthew 26:52, “Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place; for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword.”  (ESV)   Violence begets violence.  And if Jesus said it, it’s true and I don’t want you to die.  As crass and as blunt and as gross as this sounds, as devastated and changed and ruined as I would feel if you were murdered, it would pain me even more if you were a proactive perpetrator of violence against someone than its recipient, because it would be a symptom of an even more critical heart issue.

I don’t know if you will go back to playing guns next week after the ban is lifted.  I am torn because you have so few innocent years left and reality will come on you soon enough and last a lifetime.  But I will say that after this weekend, those of us in the house who are living here in reality will only be able to manage a weak smile at this innocent fun from now on.  I know you will understand once you are here with us.

Love,