Teenage Dating

Dear [child],

In 1 Samuel is the story about the children of Israel asking for a king.  Years before, God had delivered them out of Egypt, fed them when they complained, disciplined when they forgot about Him (because He knew the best thing for their lives was to acknowledge Him as God), and then finally delivered them into the Promised Land.

Years pass, and they decide they don’t like the current system of government that they’re under, which is them being responsible for themselves and then having judges to settle disputes.  They see what other countries with kings have and the grass looks greener on the other side to them.  They figure if they have a King, they’ll have more.  God hears them, tells them “no,” and then because He is so loving, tells them why.  He says how much harder their lives will be:  This will be the procedure of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and place them for himself in his chariots and among his horsemen and they will run before his chariots. ¹² He will appoint for himself commanders of thousands and of fifties, and some to do his plowing and to reap his harvest and to make his weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. ¹³ He will also take your daughters for perfumers and cooks and bakers. ¹⁴He will take the best of your fields and your vineyards and your olive groves and give them to his servants. ¹⁵ He will take a tenth of your seed and of your vineyards and give to his officers and to his servants. ¹⁶ He will also take your male servants and your female servants and your best young men and your donkeys and use them for his work. ¹⁷ He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his servants.  1 Samuel 8:11-17

The children of Israel still want a king, so God gives them Saul, and BAM! within a short time, everything God said would happen does happen, and the children of Israel are miserable.  Turns out the grass they thought was greener was actually dead grass that was spray painted green to look nice, and the life of ease and benefits led to greater misery than they had ever had.

Why did God give the Children of Israel what they asked for, even though He knew what it would lead to?  Because He saw they had hardened their hearts so far that they needed to learn the hard way.  I am convinced it tore Him up, and He never felt happy when they started reaping the fruits of desire. He wasn’t angry at all for them asking for it.

He was calling them to a life of greater intimacy with Him so that He would provide the ease they so desperately wanted; they figured they knew better than He did what was best for them.    He was calling them to deny themselves and invest in a greater future; they were saying that they wanted to satisfy things in the now and not believe it was worth it to wait.  And the last reason I believe He gave them the King they asked for is because He knew that even if He didn’t, they were going to do things their way anyway.

This is exactly how I feel about creating this list for you for having a [boyfriend/girlfriend].  The reason you want a xfriend is a faulty one.  Every reason you have given us for having a xfriend we can see from our perspective is not good for you relationally, not good for the other person relationally, not good for the spouse you will ultimately marry, and not good for your relationship with God.  But, we feel like if we don’t give you these rules, you are going to retain the heart attitude that you have and not turn to God to satisfy the needs you have, anyway.  So, we will give you these rules.  We are telling you up front that your desire for a xfriend is going to result in heartache and you will find the grass is not greener, but actually a false impression altogether.

But, we love you.  So here goes:

Rules for Dating/Opposite Sex Relationship:

 NOTE:  This is a living document, which means that these rules can be expanded on at any time.

1. You tell us the name of the person you are dating and introduce him/her to us before you go on your first date.
2. Sixty percent of your time spent together is with us.
3. Your physical contact is limited to hand-holding.
4. If you are upset about some aspect of your relationship with him/her, you do not let it impact how you relate to anyone else in the family.  This doesn’t mean you deny it’s going on.  You simply have to say up front, “Listen, I’m feeling frustrated about my relationship with [person] right now.  I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t [whatever you don’t like] and give me some breathing room.”  This has not been the case for you which is why we feel we must bring it up.
5. Dates consist of being in groups in public places.
6. If you go over to that person's house to spend time with him/her, there will be other people present in the rooms where you will be, and you are only in the public areas of his/her house.
7. You need to understand that if you are dating someone, then you are saying it’s okay to be teased about it.  That’s how this house works, for whatever reason.

Love,

Mom and Dad

How To Write a Letter To The Editor

Dear TEAMS, 

As you know, I am not one to remain silent on things that are important.  As I have gotten older, I have realized that less things are important than I think, but every so often something happens that I feel another viewpoint needs to be heard.

That’s when I feel a well-phrased Letter to the Editor (or anyone who needs to hear) is called for.  But before you open up your laptop and zip one off, I wanted you to submit to you some things for your consideration:

• Pray for God’s wisdom to guide you and put words in your head while you write.  It could be God wishes to use your letter in a life-changing way that you never know, and He will be sure to tell you phrases that will ring true with the reader.
• Do not expect to hear a response, and do not write your letter to get a response.  Write the letter because you want  the person to consider a point of view they do not seem to be aware of.
• Always be courteous, respectful and kind in your letter, and be diplomatic in word choice and phraseology.  The Truth is offensive enough.  Don’t give people an excuse to refrain from dealing with the point you are trying to make because they want to attack your behavior.
• Stick to the facts and use logic.  If you hear back from someone and they take issue with your logic and facts, well, that’s a reflection on them.
• Don’t make threats.  If you really think you cancelling your subscription matters to the editor, you are WAY wrong.  In fact, they are glad to be rid of you because they are just as busy as you are and would rather spend their time elsewhere than with someone who disagrees with them. 
• In fact, a well-placed sentence stating your appreciation for other areas of the publication show that you are an interested reader.
• Show grace.  I use the Three Strikes Rule:  the first time something was in a publication that caused me to get my dander up, it was just an opportunity for me to learn to bless them and re-examine/stretch my viewpoints; the second time something shows up I heartily disagree with is just another opportunity for me to show grace; and the third time is a trend and I probably don’t want to waste my money on renewing.
• By all means, use your spell-check and grammar check.  Your Momma learnt you some good English—USE IT!  Again, it makes the reader (who will be dealing with an opposing viewpoint) stick to the viewpoint and not the intelligence of the writer.  (It is, of course, unfortunate that people are judged by their ability to construct sentences in a correct way, but trust me—it’s just the way it is!)
• If you feel you need to cancel your subscription, then do it, but without fanfare or a nastygram.  I have quietly cancelled 2 magazines and a newspaper subscription so far in my life, and two times I didn’t bother telling the people why, nor did they come asking.  Interestingly enough, the 2 magazines folded within 9 months of me cancelling my subscription, and the newspaper closed up after 18 months.  But at least I knew I had given the publications a fair opportunity to win me (and my hard-earned money) back by sticking to the purpose it was created for and the reason I subscribed to it in the first place.

 

Here is the actual letter I emailed to the editor of Prevention magazine on 3/9/12.  (This was strike one and have since scored another strike with me in a subsequent issue):

Ms. Salvatore:

Thank you for your hard work on Prevention magazine. I have enjoyed my subscription for several years and plan to continue doing so.

On page 10 of the April 2012 issue (“Ask Prevention”), Prevention’s answer to a reader wondering how much porn is too much for a teenaged boy seems underwise and overly politically correct. In the answer, you cite Todd Spaulding of Oxbow Academy who states that “viewing porn provides the same dopamine hit to the brain as drugs or gambling.” That statement implies drugs and gambling are bad physiologically, and porn is to be included with those choices.

If you were to change Spaulding’s last quoted statement to read, “If he prefers doing drugs by himself to hanging out with friends, then you may want to consult with a professional therapist,” you would have hell to pay. No one in their right mind would read that statement and think it is valid, healthy, or a part of true wellness to let a kid do drugs. Add to this that the majority of porn deals with dysfunctional relationship where there is an aggressor and a victim (the highest percentage of which are female), and there is no credence to the advice given to this poor woman. The answer to “How much porn is too much?” is the same as “How much ecstasy/pot/heroin is too much?”: One hit, be it a tab, puff, or website.

Sorry, you got this one completely wrong and we readers deserve better.

Sincerely,
[Me]

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Love,