Dealing with the Jealousy of Others—Part II

Dear TEAMS,

In the last blog post, I shared about Jealousy and understanding why we all feel it, and how to address it.  This post is how to handle being a victim of a jealous person.

I am on the other side of the equation now, with my own version of Barbies and the Barbie townhouse.  I shared with your father yesterday that sometimes I feel guilty sharing what I do in my statuses on Facebook.  I feel so blessed, and am so thankful to God for what he has given me with my husband, 5 healthy children, enough food to eat and a nice house to raise you in.  But I guess there’s the kicker—I share from a heart of thankfulness, knowing I have what I have only because of God’s blessing.  Joel Osteen calls this “wearing your blessing well” and cites Psalm 35:27, The Lord be magnified, Who delights in the prosperity of His servant.  The point of this verse is to point to the nature of God’s generosity and His character and His work, not that His servant is prosperous (which is more than just financial).  And in my heart and from my lips, I try to always let people know that I am where I am because of His Grace in my life.  Some has just been gifts He has given, but I think also that God set about the best way to do things in His word and so my manifold choices of doing things His way over time has reaped some of what I see around me.

I think that’s the #1 thing most jealous people (myself included) fail to really get.  They don’t realize they have come in at the happily ever after part of the TV show, not the parts that show the blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice that has birthed what is there.  We live in a home with a beautiful addition because we didn’t go on large family vacations, didn’t order pizza and eat out a lot, and were careful with our money, even at the grocery store.  When we first moved in, we had a tenant in the upstairs 2 bedrooms and the three oldest of you in one bedroom and Daddy and me in the other with an unfinished basement.  If someone is jealous of my home, they have come in at the end of the story.

Your father and I have a great marriage of 23 years and counting.  Our first 10 years were miserable, due to unmet expectations, pride, stress from having many small children, and the strain of long work hours from your daddy’s job.  There was a point that I was making plans to leave your father and move back to Ohio.  The only thing that stopped me was God Himself almost audibly speaking to me and telling me that doing that would take me further from Him, not closer.  In tears, I submitted to His will, certain it was a lifetime sentence of misery.  If someone is jealous of my marriage, they have come in at the end of the story.

E is a charming person, who is submitted to God’s will for her life.  Because of the training she has received from us for healthy relationship between you all, she naturally relates to males in a respectful, carefree way.  She knows her own mind and has personal goals in her adult life.  All of these things make her attractive and a “catch” to interested men.  But we all know the demons she has fought and has won/is winning against.  We know that the past 7 years have been full of anger, tears, and overcoming fear.  If someone is jealous of her, they have come in at the end of the story.

Sure, sometimes there is simply a Godsend, just the way sometimes I go to the store and pick you up a shirt on sale, a candy bar, or something unexpected that I give you out of my love for you which brings you happiness.  But most of life is not the out-of-the-blue blessing, but the little choices made over time that reaped big dividends.  And, I would be disappointed if you were pleased with my gift but then were embarrassed about it, tried to hide or downplay it, or didn’t share about it with others with a heart of thankfulness.  

I encourage you all to consider this when you are feeling jealousy stir.  And when someone is jealous of you, teach them gently that they came in at the end of the story.

Love,