Dealing with the Jealousy of Others—Part I

Dear TEAMS,

Right now, E is in a situation where one of her acquaintances is mad at her and treating her poorly.  This person is in touch with herself enough to know she is jealous of her, and told her so.  E came to me and told me she wasn’t sure what to do, because she felt it was this person’s problem and not her own…but she felt badly for the person and didn’t want to exacerbate the person’s jealousy.  Should she change her behavior to help the other person?

{SIGH}  Jealousy:  That evil, green-eyed monster that takes our own insecurities and twists them around to make it seem like the other person’s life/aspect of their life is preferable to our own.  What to do when we are the victim of a jealous person…or are jealous ourselves?

When I was still in the single digits, I had a friend who seemed to have everything I wanted.  She had many Barbies and Barbie clothes out the wazoo.  She had a Barbie townhouse.  She had a little electric organ that you could plug in and play.  Her mom or dad would fix supper and they would eat as a family at 4:30 every night.  Her closet was full of nice clothes, and it was larger than the one I shared with your Aunt K.  She even had play makeup that she was allowed to wear, with fancy costume jewelry.  I’m ashamed to say that one day, when she was out of the room, I stuck a pair Mod Barbie’s orange boots in my panties, along with a little plastic Barbie hanger for the Barbie closet in the townhouse.  When I got home, I put them on my Barbie, happy she had boots, because I had lost one of the high heels she had come with and she no longer had any shoes.  I then hid them, afraid that my mother would find them and know she hadn’t bought them.  

By then, what I was learning in Sunday School was impacting me and I knew it was wrong, but I justified it by saying that she had so much and would also never miss it.  Funny thing was, though, I didn’t really play with the boots on my Barbie.  Nor did I have anything to hang the tiny hanger on.  I resolved to never do that again, although the short ending to that is that I didn’t hold true to my promise to myself, stole some more things and eventually got caught by her.

But, actually, at the heart of my foray into thievery-by-panties was jealousy.  I wanted what she had, thinking it would make me happy.  There was no way for my elementary mind to logically know that.  But the reasons I get jealous haven’t changed a bit over the brief course of my life, nor anyone’s life since time began.  And it doesn’t matter if it is Barbie clothes, a certain brand of jeans, a certain type of body, eye color, boyfriends, talents, vacations, houses, cars—as we get older the things we desire might change, but the source is the same.  We are aware of lack in our own lives and decide to focus on other’s abundance, thinking somehow if we have what they have we will feel full.  Only our Father can fill that need.

I want to encourage you, when you are feeling jealous, to acknowledge that it’s not about what the other person has.  It is about the emptiness you feel that you are mistaking for lack.  Get with God.  Begin to list everything you are thankful for.  Resolve not to stop until you reach 100 things.  Then, think about what your life would be like without these things.  After that, ask yourself which life you prefer?  Your jealousy might have sat with you long enough that it no longer even looks like jealousy, but rather rational justification for hate or disliking someone or a group of people.  Come to terms with this—are these thoughts bringing life to you and those around you, or is it spiraling you deeper into miserable feelings?  I will assure you that you are robbing yourself of relationship with a loving God and with good people…which is the answer to any hard thing.

Love,