Death of a Teenager

Dear TEAMS,

Last night we were saddened to hear the news that an acquaintance of Tabitha’s and nephew of a friend of mine died.  He was 15 years old.  He had brain cancer and had been in remission after treatment.  Nine days ago, he got back from a cruise that his grandparents had paid for the whole family to go on.  In the last 4 days, it was the doctor’s appointments, MRIs, declining motor function and the “hospice” word.  Suddenly, he was gone.  It sucks.

It is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Another hideous disease that is especially vicious because it strikes in the very place that most defines a woman.  The very place that offers an infant a warm, soft safety and provides physical nutrition and sustenance is ravaged by hateful, harmful new tissue that is intent on destroying all that is good and kind.

I was reflecting on the family we know’s loss and crying for them a little as I prayed this morning.  I have hugged S, who is the age Seth was when the cancer was discovered, and T, who is the age Seth is…or was…or however-they-do-that-in-Heaven, a little longer and tighter and more often this morning.  And Father gave me a realization that I was hugging them from appreciation that I have them, not fear of losing them.  

What a difference Holy Spirit guided-understanding makes.  I carried such fear that I would lose you each when I was pregnant with you and also for so long when you were young.  It was quite selfish, really.  That sort of fear is based on what the child does for ME over who they are, what they are created to do, and that I get the privilege to have a part in it for a while.

That realization showed me something about a certain passage in 1 Corinthians 15.  So many people come at cancer with such fear because of what havoc it wreaks on bodies and lives, and how it can ultimately end a life.  Both of your grandmas have had cancer and I remember the fear it brought on me and the ultimate lack of control and powerlessness I felt in their diagnoses.  And yet, trusting Father and knowing He works all to good and seeing it over and over in all areas of my life…and over and over…and over and over, has birthed in me a revelation in my core:

Death and Cancer, you have no victory in this situation; Grave, you have no sting...because Seth is in the arms of His Father and nothing could triumph over that bond and the bond of his family and the comfort they will receive in missing him.  You delighted in stealing, destroying, and killing him, but you have forgotten the most important thing:  in the end, when it’s all said and done and this earth has passed away and all questions have been answered, you, too, will be only a brief thought in someone’s mind, a fleeting thought that maybe you existed once, but perhaps instead were just a brief imaginary horror made up in a weak moment.  In fact, the lasting tribute to your vileness will be that no one will remember you—you will be utterly forgotten amid an eternity of dwelling with our loving Creator who wiped every tear from our eyes when we arrived and Who presented us with joy everlasting at our reunion, so much so that all of this earth’s sufferings faded into nothingness.  It is where Seth now dwells; it is where we are going.

In other words, Death, Cancer, and Grave:  you lose.

Love, 

If I’m Ever Afraid of Dying

Dear TEAMS,

I was talking with a family friend this week who has been through a trauma that has her afraid of dying.  It is all very logical—the trauma she experienced was terrible, and so I validated that it is a reasonable fear.  She doesn’t want to have the fear anymore, so she has received counseling concerning ways to help her not be afraid.  Thankfully, she was going to a Counselor who understands that we battle unseen forces more than even what is seen, so she is really coming against those powers of darkness.

But I wanted more for her.  I suggested she take a two-pronged approach, standing firm and fighting the fears but also getting a real picture of what Heaven is like and how desirable and wonderful it is to go there…that all the time we are in a win-win.  We are all the time in this wonderful life because we are redeemed and have the capacity to face the earth’s trials with God’s peace through trusting Him:  win.  If something happens that we die, though--no matter if it is sudden or lingering, brutal or peaceful—we go to Heaven:  win.  In other words, we have all this and Heaven, too.

Every so often, I have that brief moment of clarity which shows me the reality of Heaven.  It is so clear to me that for just a moment I see the eternal nature of Heaven, and the joy that is there—true joy, with pain not being part of the equation of life.  For just a glimpse, I see purpose and pure, abundant life…the life God intended from the start, the life that was there in Eden before the Lie, and the life we are destined to because we believe Jesus is Who He said He is.  

The lightness in my Inner Man for that moment is hard to describe.  It is the absence of fear; it is the absence of everything that keeps me grounded here.  And every time I get these peeks, it hits me again with a new revelation that where God is…well, that’s Reality.  Not the things we are so sure of here that we see, hear, taste, and feel.  It will be so good to be there.  I have been married to God for 30 years or so through Jesus’ sacrificial death and victory over the chains that held Mankind, and I have yet to see His face.  This God Who loved me so much that He saw my predilection to wander away from Him, even though we are not whole until we are reunited with Him, that He paid a price for me even before I was born.  This God Who is endless Comfort, endless Counselor, endless Creator, who saves my tears in a bottle and sings over me, Who sees when I go to bed or when I get up, Who is taken with me all the time and fawns over me out of the purest Love imaginable…I have never gotten to touch His face, or bow down before Him in a way that I could see Him when I arose.  I yearn to be with Him, and I yearn to see people I love again.

And it is so good to be here.  I must wait awhile until God calls me Home, and do the work He has purposed me to do here.  I love living with you and I love living with your father.  More than being blessed, I am aware of my blessings and what my position really is before God.  I am thankful.  I exist to do the King’s work, and I willingly do so, even when it costs me dearly.  The beautiful thing is, every time I feel I am losing a part of myself in service to Him through being a homemaker, I realize that what is replaced is true satisfaction of the real me.  

Yes, all this and Heaven, too.

Love,

Three Dollar Jam and Botulism

Dear TEAMS,

This morning, I crossed another thing off my bucket list.  I have always wanted to know how to “can” food by placing the prepared food in sterilized jars, sealing them, and then processing them in boiling water.  Right now, my limited exposure to canning happened about 4 years ago when I canned some jam using the inversion method.  I wasn’t concerned about spoilage due to the high sugar content and the fact that we ate a lot of jam quickly when you were younger!

For some reason, I was always scared to can the “real” way.  Mostly, I remember hearing the horror stories from my mother and one of my bosses in my 20s about women who didn’t process their green beans long enough and killed someone with botulism.  To my knowledge, I never saw my mother can although I know she knew how; she got together with some friends once and canned quarts and quarts of something she named “Tompepcel” (Tomato, pepper, and celery juiced together).  I never, ever, saw her drink it.  I don’t know if she was trying to preserve a memory or was scared of possible death from botulism.

But, after reading thoroughly through so many articles, and knowing J and S down the street can a lot (J mostly, because of his gardening), and knowing of NO ONE in my entire life who has dropped dead of botulism from home-canned foods, I decided it was time to try it.  I picked 4 quarts of strawberries last night from our garden and washed them and decided I would make strawberry jam today.  I also decided I would get out my grandmother’s canner that I rescued from your Grandma’s house during The Cleanup and I would process them in the hot water bath.  And, I would kill no one with botulism in the process.

There was a strange sensation pulling this huge canner out of the very dated box.  The last person who likely touched this was my grandmother as she put it away for the last time that season after canning, probably in the late 1970s or early 1980s.  I don’t know the last thing she ever canned.  I’m guessing she didn’t know it was the last time she would can, that the disease that was causing her to forget everything but stuff she knew from way back would claim her canning capabilities in a year.  But her hands had touched it, and now mine were, too.

Same, too, the feeling of connection when I finally lifted the wire basket with the 8 prepared jars of “red gold” (as your Uncle K termed it) and put it into the boiling water.  I thought about how carefully I was placing it the basket in the pot of boiling water and then wondered how many hundreds of times your Great-Grandma put the same basket in without giving it a second thought.  All she knew was that canning was a necessity due to the salary your Great-Grandpa earned in ministry.  I was canning for the luxury of saving myself $3 on a jar of jam.  She canned because they wouldn’t have jam or peaches (and yes, even green beans!) if she didn’t.  How thankful I am for the prayers she must have prayed that I would be blessed.

When A got home from work this afternoon, she saw the 8 jars on the counter and said, “Wow…you CANNED?!?!  Must be nice to only have 2 kids to homeschool now so you have time!”  I smiled.  She didn’t even ask me if it was botulism-free.

Love,