Secrets I Will Now Tell You

Dear TEAMS, 

So, I don’t know when you will discover this blog.  A few weeks ago, I was getting into the car and out of the blue E looks at me and says, “Mom, I hope you’re writing down what you do with us, because when I have kids, I want to be like you.”  I smiled inwardly and replied, “That’s being taken care of…”

By the time you read this,  your adult brains and perspective will understand the complexity of the parental relationship, and you will see me as a friend more than a Mommy.  That is how it should be.  But now that you’re on my side, I thought you might want to know a few things…just in case you find yourself doing the same things with your children!

1. The reason I made the rule “winner cleans up” the board game (or whatever) we were playing was because I was tired or bored of the game (two words:  “Barnyard Bingo”), tired of hearing the gloating, or tired of hearing the sore loser.
2. Yes, sometimes I did make you take a nap even when you weren’t tired because I needed a break.
3. I would eat your Easter candy without you knowing about it.
4. When you questioned me about why you always had to do the dishes, vacuum, fold the laundry, etc. and I answered “because I already know how and you need to learn,” there actually was a teeny, tiny part of me sometimes that was saying, “Nyah-nyah”…but truly, only tiny!
5. I was always profoundly embarrassed after I raised my voice to you.
6. You treating me disrespectfully hurt my feelings more than I could ever say, but I knew immediately that if you had known how much it had hurt, you would have begged my forgiveness.
7. I hated serving in the concessions stand at baseball games and track meets.  I mean, detested it in a way that I cannot fully convey.  But I did it cheerfully for your sake.
8. It hurt me the first time I went to hug you and you tensed up because you didn’t need my hugs anymore, and for all 5 of you, I turned around and got busy with something so you wouldn’t see my tears.
9. When the baseball dented the Camry, the accident dented the neighbor’s car, the paint was spilled on the basement carpet, etc. etc., both your father’s and my calmness and saying, “No big deal—don’t worry,” on the outside was directly proportional to how much we were freaking out inside.
10. We ultimately got the dogs for us, because we knew that we would ultimately have to take care of them.
11. We honestly didn’t believe you when you would remind us of something we did wrong in our parenting, because we gave you an amazing environment of love, compassion, and provision while you were under our roof.
12. I occasionally did fudge your homeschooling.
13. Sometimes when I called you on the carpet for stuff, I was more afraid of your reaction than you were afraid of being reprimanded.
14. There were many times in our home that I felt like I was supposed to just suck it up and take the crap from you, and I just let it happen because I felt hopeless.
15. I never knew how mothering, done correctly, was life-altering and my salvation.

Love, 

Photo:  © John Siebert | Dreamstime.com